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posted by becky s | 1:56 PM
posted by becky s | 1:56 PM
4 Comments:
My mother-in-law hates me. I realized this recently and it was affirmed in a lay-it-on-the-table conversation provoked by me in irreputable behavior (unfortunately). I have never felt so sick to my stomach. I have never been good enough for her and before the proprosal was completely ignored by her and the family. During the wedding she made up stories and was accepting to the fact that her daughter did not want anything to do with our wedding. When our first child arrived she took hand-me-down cribs and baby gear for herself and acted extremely bazaar. Now, she acts annoyed to me that she has to babysit our child, and then tells everyone else that I would harbor our child from her. This is ridiculous considering I attend family events with our son, without my husband or his sister. She also is constantly medling in our financial affairs and talks about me behind my back to her daughter who is also not so fond of me. She has been the first person in my life to make my future feel and look dismal. I try with all my might to grin and bear it, but I have never been able to fake it. I am extremely honost with myself and others. After trying to resolve pent up anger between us, she has engaged in even more petty behavior. She hates me and I do not want her to continue the "stirring of the pot" for the rest of our lives. I am at my wits end and feel horrible for my husband. I wish that I could change whatever I have done to her in the past in refute over her behavior. I feel that most mother-in-laws have some suppressed guilt about their own mothering and feel that a new daughter-in-law is some sort of competition. I think that her distorted and conniving behavior is wrong and know that my mother does not do this to my new sister. I think it is a sickness and I guess I have to treat her as a sick person. Any thoughts...should I move...lol.
i congratulate who has done this blog.......i know it friends how the MIL thing is.Everytime we go shopping 90% id hers done and rest is mine. when we are back. the blame of being late is put on me. she pampers my husband so badly that she has totally spoiled him. she brain washes him to do what she wants. the irony is my so called hubby is baby boy. she goes on and on what she has done to him since childhood till now and finally its square 1.....why cant they let go thier sons. she makes me work like a donkey... i have sacrificed my weekends for them.....since marraige not one weekend or holiday we had ourselves.and my asshole husband call her for the smallest things.....dont know whom to deal with, is it husband or MIL. BOTH ARE OF SAME NATURE. moody, reactive, demanding. i dont knw what to do. whenever while shopping if i like something she too want that i mean she wants the best always. i f by mistake i have gone and bought something with my husband she will be sarcastic and talk inferior about that thing. next time i visit them the same thing will be there in the house. how disgusting.....she can write an book on what she has done to her son.
I feel as if my MIl would be the end of my marriage and she's just ruining my family. She's rough with my child and then tries to cut me out of my own daughter's life.I don't know how one person could be so evil and selfish as she is. I tried working out things with her on more than one occasions and nothing seems to work. I'm at my wits end here and I just feel alone because my husband doesn't seem to get where I'm coming from but everyone else done. However, I don't care about what everyone else thinks, I care about what he thinks.Ugh, life just sucks a lot right now because of my MIL. I just don't know what to do anymore...
Does anyone out there have any comments or ideas on how often a family should schedule visits to a difficult mil's? If you were a mil how often would you expect a visit or to be invited to visit? We live not too far but not so close either that it's just an easy or cheap(gas) visit. Plus, we are a very active family with children who have activities and friends and we own our own business. I am sure she is lonely, but has other family who is close and is young enough to get involved in her community or to work but has chosen not to. It is unhealthy for a person to be home alone that much.
When she comes to family functions she is aloof and spends so much of the precious time complaining or stressing everyone out about minor things rather than enjoying and making the most of it (and then later wonders why nobody calls). Other guests who have been present over holidays and events have even asked if something is wrong since she doesn't go out of her way to converse with others usually. It seems rude.
Plus, have you ever been around someone who talks only about themselves and never asks about what is going on in your life or your kid's lives? If you want to be a part of somebody's life it seems to me that you can do it in a friendly and kind way such as asking them to tell you about what's going on with them and then just listening and enjoying what they share, sending encouraging notes, offering to take them out for lunch when it's convenient for them, mailing a care package, inquiring how that test or game or work event went, going out of your way to attend sporting events. These are all things I would think would be obvious, but maybe this is just me.
I would appreciate any suggestions for encouraging my mil to be a kinder, more supportive person to my husband and children (and me)rather than dragging them down and making them feel bad when they don't contact her. It is very difficult to tell someone in a loving way what they can do to improve themselves and the situation because by it's very nature you are telling the what they have been doing/not doing is wrong. No one likes to be wrong and it's very, very hard to hear especially when you've talked yourself into thinking it's everyone else's fault that you are lonely.
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