Demanding, poisonous mother-in-law

Poor Heather has had quite the experience with her MIL. Her comment is as follows:

Heather said...

Let me start out by saying, after I was married for 3 mths, my mother in law started emailing me letters on how selfish, I was and that she was proud of her son, for staying in a marriage for so long with a person like me. Mind You I met her once, she never came to my wedding. She lives in another state. She got mad at me at Easter, because she thought that I should have giving her 28 year old son an Easter egg hunt. My mother sent her a Christian card for Easter. My mother in law was ticked. She sent me letter after letter by email telling me off for it. Her first visit was not fun. She invited herself for 6 weeks to my home. Never asked if it was okay. She made me wash her clothes everyday, she requested meals that she wanted to be served. That my children should be home, because she was here. My husband would jump to her every commend. She would get made if we did not take her with us every place we went. She told me that some day my children would come to live with her, and it would be a punishment to me, because her own son moved far from her. She would talk terrible about my family. She thought everyone was doing something to try and hurt her.

I am writing more. From my previous comment that I just sent my mother in-law had to be treated like a princees as well while she was hear. She would insult the way I cleaned took care of my children. Talk behinde my back to my husband. She even stuck a red towel into MT wash machine when my good clothes were in there, and turned the washer on and ruined my clothes. We had to take her on our vacation as well. To be mean she would wake my husband up at the crack of Dawn, to take her places. Making sure I was left behind. She forced my children to wear clothes she bought, we had to go to all the restaurants she wanted to eat at on our vacation. She would jump over the seat of the car to honk the car horn at people and yell mean things out the window at them. She told me that my children were all hers. She told my mother That my mother she had other grandchildren and That my children were all hers. She complained the whole time she visited about everything. She visited a second time, and invited herself for 5 weeks. I told my husband she could not stay here This time or I would go nuts. She became terrible mad at me. Stilluses this as an excuse that this is why she is Mad at me after 6 years later. She has stopped sending me birthday gifts and Christmas gifts as well. When she came again she argued with me, disappeared with my children. Now these says she has not visited for a while. Although she sent me terriable letters saying that I am lazy, I should have a job. Even though I have 3 small children. She has cursed me out by phone and email. Made up lies about me to people. Left her email and password on my phone, because she wanted me to read terriable letters that she wrote to people about me. Which she had sent to me.she sends my children weird letters that look more like they are for me to read. I think she is nuts. She has called me every mean thing. Any time We did something she would say I hope this makes your mom jealous. I love to see her that way. She made up lies about me. She told me I am a bad mom, that I should listen to her home truths. They may hurt me, but they are the truth. It is not true. I am a good mom. She makes up lies to people that she was a teacher, a nurse, and has a degree in law. She has actual been on welfare for most of her life. She Bost about herself and back stabs and criticizes everyone. She even back stabs her own boyfriend. But claims he is not her boyfriend because he is to ugly for her. She will put make up on just to go to the store. She is grumpy, mean, and cleans compulsively. She thinks she is so great, but has acted like a child most of the time I have known her. Actually having 3 year old temper tatrums. If she can not have her own way. She has treated me like dirt for the whole 10 years that I have been married to my hubby. She claims he only stays with me, for the children. Any feed back please

Heather, have you and your husband talked about this at all? Has he ever stood up for you or told his mother to back off? If at all possible, you need his support in this. You two need to present a united front to his mother. If he won't do that, then you need to set your own boundaries. It sounds like you already have with not letting her stay with you. Don't listen to her, what she says about you. I would have as little to do with her as possible. Screen her contact with the kids and protect them from her as much as you can. She may get even madder, but your kids are the important thing here, as is your self-worth.

You're not alone

From a struggling DIL:

It is so great to read other stories about MIL issues since I have been told by my MIL that I am the ONLY one out there with this problem (not that I believed it for one second). So your blog helps that and was part of the reason I decided to start my own blog about my MIL issues!! Thanks!

Updates

Been a while since I posted any stories, but feel free to keep leaving your comments!

More to come...

We've gotten some great comments that I'll be reposting soon. So don't go away, there's actually more to come. As always, you're welcome to leave a comment anonymously if you just need to get something off of your chest. :)

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I received this inquiry from a production company that is interested in featuring families with in-law problems. Details are below. If you are interested, please email them - information is at the end. DO NOT leave comments here expecting to be contacted about the opportunity. You must email them for more info. I'm just passing it along in case someone wants to give it a try.
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Apologies

We had several comments tied up in the spam box, but that's been fixed. I didn't realize that's where they were going. Will try to check more frequently!

Lies mother-in-laws tell

Our next submission is from an anonymous user:

My mother in law lies about my to everyone. She tells others that the reason her son isn't at any family functions is because i feel my family is superior and more important when in fact she just drives him crazy. She is mean and rude. She was going to not even come to my bridal shower and told my matron of honor and my mother that they were not to include any of her family members because no one would be attending. Luckily, my finacé laid down the law and she attended, but made snide comments the entire time and refused to talk to anyone, including me.

She has told me in the past that I do not belong and I am not apart of the family. That I look down on her and her family when I have made every effort to include them in the wedding. She is embarassing my fiancé and he feels terrible that she is so cruel. No one can curb her out of control behavior, and we've all tried. What the heck do I do now? Is it going to be like this for the rest of our lives?? I can't stand this!!

Has your fiancé told his mother to curb her behavior? As much as it drives you crazy, it is very hard for you to say anything that will make a difference. Your future husband must be the one to tell her that her behavior is unacceptable. He may even need to go so far as to tell her that he won't visit or see her if she continues this way.

And he needs to make it clear that he's doing the talking, not you. If she feels that he was "put up to" it, then it will only make her more angry & give her fuel for her rantings. She needs to understand that her snide comments & rude behavior are unacceptable. You are going to be part of his family and his mother needs to accept it. If she doesn't, then she has to accept the consequences of her actions.

Another submission, from mistie

This is our next submission, from a reader named Mistie:

My mother in law is absolutely driving me insane. She is completely obsessed with my husband. She decided to wear a white dress that made her look like the bride to our wedding. Tried to take away a room reserved for her own sister for the wedding, (paid for by my parents.) To give to her thirteen year old son and his friend who wasn't invited to the wedding.

She was allowed to invite 30 relatives to the wedding to make her feel included. I was informed that I had to invite 60 which is more than my husband was allowed to invite total. My mother in law couldn't seem to drive the best man to the church due to driving her younger sons friend. We had to remove the best man for this. She expects us to send her all of our pictures however she didn't pay for anything except meat at the rehearsal dinner, which was done for her by relatives, and didn't send a wedding present.

She was over bearing when my husband and I were dating. On my birthday when I traveled twelve hours to be with my husband due to living in different states at the time because we are military members. She wouldn't even let me go get my hair colored without being in the car with us.

She showed up at my grandfather, (whom she never met.)'s funeral to look for my husband and hounded my parents at the funeral to go take them to see the church where we were getting married. She tried to alter my flower arrangements for my wedding even though she paid for none of it. The florist told her to leave and called me.

Now she plans on coming to visit us in a different state to see us. I have been warned this will be an unannounced visit. Everything except the birthday incident has happened in the past month someone please help me deal with this horrible woman.

Mistie, this woman sounds like she is in desperate need of attention. Is your father-in-law in the picture? You didn't mention him at all.

If your husband wants her in his life to some extent, then you'll have to tolerate her a little. But that doesn't mean she needs to walk all over you. You and your husband must set boundaries for her. And your husband needs to talk to her.

Has he tried talking to her, or does he cave when she whines? Is he a momma's boy, or does he know how to stand up to her?

What say you, readers? How should Mistie deal with her annoying mother-in-law